


Neigh, Neigh

by Venstar



Series: 2019 007 Fest Series [12]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Other, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 08:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19943335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venstar/pseuds/Venstar
Summary: for the anon prompt: Q is used to Bond returning from his missons with exactly ZERO of his issued equipment, he's come to accept it, he deals with it. This time, however, Bond has managed to not only bring back everything Q gave him, he's returned with something extra as well. Somehow while on the mission in __________, Bond accidentally bought a horse.





	Neigh, Neigh

Q stood speechless. His Scrabble mug held loosely at his side, his beloved Earl Grey Tea dribbling on the floor. “You must be joking.” Sadly, he didn’t quite get the words out.

Bond waved his hand in front of his face. “Earth to Q? Did you say something?”

Q pointed his hand at the object at the end of his workshop. The living object at the end of Q branch that was pawing the floor. Do horses paw? They don’t have paws, they have hooves. The horse was hooving the floor.

“Q? Q?”

A second voice piped up from somewhere beyond Q’s ability to think.

“Well, you’ve done it now old man. You broke him. You broke Q. Never thought I’d live to see the day. Although I kind of like him like this, you know. He’s prettier this way, isn’t he? Hey, if I can get you to shut up like this, you two would make excellent bookends. Think how amazing that would be. If I killed you both, I could stuff you and put you in my library.”

“You have a library?” Bond asked.

“The idea that I would kill you and stuff your corpse full of polyfill doesn’t register on you, but the idea of me having a library does?”

“I just thought you ate the books, is all. Didn’t know you actually read them.”

“Har. Har. Q. Q! Snap out of it!” R snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Good lord. You didn’t have this sort of reaction when Alec came striding through in his birthday suit after a mission with ALL his equipment, but Mr. Equipment Amnesia comes in fully clothed with a horse, and ALL his equipment-”

“Hey! When did that happen?”

“Don’t interrupt me when I speak 007 or I’ll find a way to make that horse mount you. To be honest I don't know how Alec managed to do that. I'm guessing anal storage pouch. Q. Q, this is what causes you to lose it. Unbelievable. See, 007 this is what happens when we send you off to flirt with the Americans.” R shook him harder.

Q finally met her eyes. “There’s a HORSE in Q branch.”

R looked over her shoulder. “Yes. Apparently, 007 fancies himself a cowboy. I blame Felix.”

“Higgins is sneaking up on it.”

“Yes.”

“Are we supposed to weaponize it?” Q asked.

“I could try and rig something. Do you think Health and Safety would approve? What kind of leverage do we have with the animal groups.”

Q looked horrified. “I am NOT weaponizing a horse!”

R shrugged. “You asked. Don’t forget. 007 brought back all of his equipment AND he brought a horse into Q branch.”

“Oh right, thanks R, thank you very much. Don’t even mention that I’m alive after that fiasco.”

“No, I shan’t.” R said. She turned Q to face Bond.

Q’s face screwed up and oh boy did Bond know that face. He was about to get the chewing out of a lifetime. He tried to stall.

“Now, Q-”

“Don’t you now, Q me!” Q said sternly. He thrust his mug into Bond’s chest. “You...you brought back a horse. A HORSE!”

Well, there was nothing Bond could do to stop the words coming out of his mouth. “Of course!”

R threw back her head and cackled as Bond spun on his heel and ran for the lift that would provide him a slow escape. A very slow escape, because as soon as the lift doors closed, Q shut down that one shaft. He walked to the doors.

“I’m putting you in time out! I want you to sit there and think about what you’ve done!” He nodded, as if to say that’s right, I’m the boss in these here parts. You can’t take a shit without me knowing.

“Thatta Q, put that boy in obedience school.” R said as she swanned away to join in the petting of the newly acquired ancient horse-powered tech. “I’ll be over there. Petting the new Aston Martin.”

“We’re NOT naming it!” Q’s voice trailed after her.

She waved her middle finger in the air. “Whatever you say, boss!”


End file.
